Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13;4-8
Do you love your partner? Are you patient with them? Are you kind to them? Are you not envious or boastful? Proud, rude, self seeking? Do you get angry with them when you should be forgiving? Do you hold past mistakes against them? Worse yet someone else’s past against your partner? Sometimes we are not even aware of it. Now, we are all guilty at one point or another. As the saying goes; “It takes two to make or break it.” Just as we all grow physically as humans from a child to an adult, we also need to grow emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. In order to grow on this level we need to look deep within our selves and change patterns. It starts with you!
So many people enter relationships with tons of baggage; emotional baggage. Childhoods that are broken by divorce, abuse, alcoholism, drug use, or mental illness. Most people by the age of 30 are mature enough to look within themselves and work on change. Although by 30 they have most likely added to their baggage by falling into a repeated cycle of their past. I think we can all agree there is an epidemic of blended families or single parents. Why is that? It is because relationships fail! Either people do not have the tools to make it work or people are reckless when choosing a partner. Worse case having a child and starting the cycle over again. Many people go threw life playing the blame game. Blaming their parents, blaming their ex. It is my epiphany that it is not our parents, ex’s, partners, children, extended family or friends that are at fault, it is us. Parents are “the root”, “the foundation”; but ultimately we are responsible for our own actions and growth. Playing the blame game is wasted time arrogantly grieving and enables our ability to love, grow, and parent. The cycle needs to be broken by taking responsibility for ones self.
Now what are the tools for making a relationship work? I have learned that a healthy relationship is give and take. It is compromising even when you think your way is the right way. Agreeing to disagree. Picking your battles. By picking your battles means accepting or over looking your partner’s flaws; for example over looking that they are messy and unorganized, they are always late for events so on. Setting healthy boundaries will help you
to not accept things that are destructive to your relationship. I don’t think anyone needs an example, but what one person does not except another may. I do not accept lying, cheating, physical or verbal abuse, excessive spending, lack of responsibility, and lack of empathy. This doesn’t mean you should end your relationship or marriage if your partner fails to meet your requirements (unless of course your well being is at stake.) People are only human and make mistakes, nobody is perfect. I believe “communication” and the willingness to try and understand one another is the glue of a relationship. Along with trust, lots of laughter, self sacrificing, God, and great sex. Apart from any of these prayer and patience! When you communicate a problem you are allowing your partner to look within them selves and change. Everyone deserves “a few” chances.
So be a patient person. Be a kind person. Do not envy others for what you do not have (God gives us what we need). Do not boast about yourself in vanity, do not become arrogantly proud. Act in love not rudeness, have compassion for others because everyone has a story. Always ask yourself are you doing for others for your personal gain or from your heart with no expectations. Do not be easily angered, anger only closes up the heart. Do not be a revengeful person! Do not repay evil with evil, wrong for wrong. Always be courteous despite other people’s actions towards you. Always be truthful to yourself and others. Never give up hope! Even if your hope is a fantasy; the house, the job, the child, all the things that seem impossible. Even simple things like serenity. Talk about your dreams as if they are real because this is hope.
Every relationship has its ups and downs, it takes lots of WORK. However, true love is perfect and we need to strive for this perfection within our actions and motives. Be forgiving of your partners short comings as you would want them to be with yours. Be loving! Love the unloveable and in return love in its self will nurture you.